Fragment #53 - Coffee and cigarette

It's early. The microwave's clock shows seven fiveteen. I'm fixing myself a cup of coffee. I go to the dishes cupboard, take a large blue cup out. I open the other cupboard, and find some chimic powder. The kettle has boiled, I open the sachet of powder, pull it in the cup, and pour the water on it. I take the sugar bowl next to the microwave, take two teaspoons of it, add it to my coffee, stirr, put the teaspoon in the sink. Next to it, I left the cigarette's pack. I take one out. I open the window, shiver when I feel the Glasgow's freezing winter wind enter the room. I grab the lighter, light up my cigarette. I take a breath, put the lighter in my jeans' pocket. I wearing jeans, a black turtleneck sweater, black stilletos. It's not perfectly suitable for school, but I feel more confident, and I think my PT got that. I made the effort to straighten my hair this morning. I take another breath of cigarette, and grab my cup of coffee. I take a sip, it's warming me up. I still find it bitter, both bitter and sweet. Coffee and cigarette, the mix of violence and sweetness I now need every morning to start off the day. I'll leave the window slightly open. Claire will close it when she wakes up. That's the deal I've got for smoking in the flat. But I know I should quit this habit. Anyway... Today might not be a bad day. I've got only four periods, including one with the highers and one with the advanced highers. Quiet periods to come. And tonight, I'm having dinner with Sarah, Sean and Jack. I'm going to enjoy this. Jack promised he would get one of those books he told me about. I take another sip of coffee. Another breath of cigarette. I don't feel fine. But at least I don't feel bad this morning. It's a struggle, day after day, so I should deal with it day after day. And today should be okay. I made an appointment with an analyst. Could this be a start of an healing process?