Fragment #19 - Should I stay, or...

I’m half lying on the couch. Claire took the chair. A cup of tea, chips, salt vinegar for Claire, just salt for me: an early Sunday afternoon chilling out. The day is quite gloomy, the sky is dark grey with clouds and rain, it’s cold and windy outside… Somehow this is what I like about Glasgow: being in your nice and warm house, clothes, like in a cocoon…. I never feel this safe in France, because the weather rarely goes this wild in Tours. You only get how good something is in comparison with something awful. Glasgow’s wildness and roughness makes me feel alive, and appreciate simple things, like a nice hot cup of tea in front of my TV.

We are watching Coronation Street… I still don’t get this show, but Claire likes it and I don’t mind. I’m actually worried about the atmosphere at flat. It’s getting tensed, I’m sure this is because of Sarah, but I don’t know how to talk to Claire about this… For sure, she doesn’t like having a third person here, and as she is not the landlord, she can’t say anything about me having a guest, a guest who is obviously going to stay, as she just found this job at MacDonald’s. She is not working too much, and we didn’t have time on our own with Claire this last week. I have been in holidays, staying at Mike’s, and maybe she is angry that I left her alone with Sarah, the Barbie looking blond Sarah who is struggling with the Glaswegian accent. Was this coward? I started feeling that being selfish and make the most of your life is necessary, so I was in holidays, I wanted to spend time with Mike, so why should I feel guilty now? Why are things so tense? I don’t want to apologize for the situation…
“May I ask you a question?”
Crap, the serious stuff is to be discussed. I bravely try and smile.
“Yeah sure”
“Are you moving out?”
I turn to Claire, who is looking a bit worried.
“You want us to?” I guess I look even more worried. Does she want me to leave? I love the flat, it’s my home, I like living with Claire, we are a bit like family, it’s so safe and peaceful, and the flat is nice and cosy and… I don’t want to leave!
“No no I don’t it’s just that if Sarah is staying, you’ve got a good job, you could move out and rent something bigger for you both…”
“You really think I’m moving out to provide Sarah a bigger place? You kidding right?”
We stare at each other and then, out of nowhere, burst out of laughing. We look at each other, tension is gone.
“So what’s going on with her, she didn’t want to tell me. Is she staying for long?”
If only I knew… We had this conversation, and she has been really vague, which is rude considering she came unexpected to stay at my place. Something about a boy she broke up with, uni she quitted, which drove mum crazy, as expected… And she ran away, just like I already did. Is this something human beings mostly do, not facing things?
“Well I don’t really know. I think she just needs a change for a while. She won’t stay, I don’t think she can get used to Glasgow.”
I hope she won’t.
“Can I ask you something else?”
I nod, a bit tired with questions…
“Why are you letting her in your life, if there is nothing really wrong going on?”
Why people are always asking me the “Why are you too nice?” question?
“You really are saying I should put her back in a plane to France? She is my wee sister after all, I like her!”
Or maybe she should go, and I could be strong.