Fragment #24 - You are a winner!

I'm reading a letter, it's quite interesting. More so than the previous three which all told me important things like; “You are a winner!” “You owe us thousands of pounds.” and my personal favourite; “Legal action will be taken.”
This letter however states that I have a job opportunity. No reader, not an underpaying hand-to-mouth freelance deal but a real job. They want me to be the features editor of some small magazine that's being set up. Fools!
One of the benefits of doing features is that you just deal with random bullshit, you never have to give anyone any real bad news. No that joy is left to those who do current affairs. Although, in print, current affairs is the easiest job to do. Provided that you can stand writing about more or less the same depressing shit every day. The reason current affairs is so easy when you’re working for a paper is because everything that you report happened yesterday, a plum job if ever I've heard of one, all you have to do is watch the TV news and take some notes. Let those smug bastards at the BBC do all the work for you, it gives you more time for the cirrhosis of the liver you’ve been working on.
My phone is ringing.
“Hello?”
“Hey! Look, I'm going to have to cancel our date tonight at seven.”
“Oh.”
“Let's make it half past instead.” I breathe again. I should get used to her sense of humour.
“You had me there...”
No, she still has me.